Slow it Down.
This past weekend I went to see the Nutcracker for the first time in 13 years. Stepping into the theater was like stepping into a time machine. The red velvet chairs, the highly decorated stage, and the gentle hums of the orchestra starting to play the classic nutcracker song: “bum bum bada bada badum badadada…”
For my family, the Nutcracker ballet was one of the greatest Fuller traditions. Every year my father managed to sneak in a box of beautifully crafted nutcrackers for me and my sisters. When Clara got her Nutcracker in the show, he would tap us on the shoulder and hand us the box. Being the ballerina in training that I was, I would take that nutcracker and dance all over the lobby during intermission and all over the living room for the rest of the night.
Just as this memory came to my mind, I looked to my left to see the sweetest little girl in the tiniest pink dress spinning around the lobby like a ballerina. I laughed and thought to myself “that used to be me.”
Memories like this, really make me think of how much we can take for granted the joy of being a kid. Especially after graduating in a pandemic and diving headfirst into a professional apocalypse. COVID helped me learn the most valuable thing no one can ever teach… SLOW IT DOWN.
People these days always seem to want the “what’s next.” Were so in a rush to live that we don’t actually spend any time living. This weekend, I was fortunate enough to have this eye-opening experience that remind me of a simpler time in my life. A time where life was sugar plums and gumdrops. Where the world was my dance stage, and I was just enjoying the performance. It was a pressure-less life and it’s because I never looked too far forward.
The more you plan the future – the more pressure you feel to make your expectations a reality. In my case, graduating was good because it meant graduate school. Graduate school was good because it meant the job I wanted. The job I wanted was good because it meant I could settle down, make money, finally get married, and start a family. You see, one thing ALWAYS leads into the next and when one gets messed with or delayed… thank you COVID… it throws the whole timeline off. But am I seriously that calculated that I intended to just go through the motions of life without ever taking a moment to breathe?
Somehow, in that short 15 min intermission, I had time to contemplate my entire life. I had time to realize exactly how much of it I spent wasted on looking forward instead of stepping back. The thing is, when you commit to being fully present in a moment, you enjoy it so much more. We took our seats as the lights dimmed for act 2.
There I was, 13 years later and still perched at the edge of my seat – completely captivated by every arabesque, every turn, every dancer on that stage. It was pure bliss and so worth the mindless enjoyment. I turned to my boyfriend, Nick, and thanked him for taking me. As we walked down to the theater lobby, I remember feeling completely grown up, yet so innocent and young at the same time. It was such a sophisticated date night, in such a nostalgic location.
I couldn’t help but take in the ambiance of the lobby as we left the Marcus center. The Nutcracker songs still playing over in my head as I thought, “how unfortunate that it’s not socially acceptable for me (a fully grown 23-year-old) to dance through these halls right now…” Every fiber in my being wanted to, but instead, I took a step back – I pictured 10-year-old me, new nutcracker in hand, leaping down that hallway and turning through the crowds. That alone, was enough to satisfy the urge.
So, cheers to the holidays, and cheers to moments that make you rethink the way you’ve been living. Keep your eyes and ears, but most importantly hearts open this season. And please, slow down to enjoy. You never know when a moment will trigger a long-lost memory you never knew you needed.
Keep Smiling,
Steph Fuller
