High Functioning Anxiety: A Stealthy “Disorder” Affecting Our Children and Ourselves
Lately, I’ve been reading about High Functioning Anxiety (HFA). HFA really is a thing and a large percentage of folks of all ages fit the criteria. The symptoms of HFA include overachievement, perfectionism, fear of disappointing others, prioritizing task completion over most everything, neglected sleep, ruminations, and alcohol/marijuana overuse. As you read these descriptions, can you relate? I can (except for the alcohol and pot use).
HFA can start early or later in one’s life. I won’t bore you with the details, but mine started early. To my delight and surprise, I earned extremely high marks for my first semester of college. All good, right? Yes and no.
Following my first semester of college, I changed dramatically and not all for the better. I’m not sure why, but for my next five college semesters, I was determined to earn all A’s. B’s represented failure, a stumbling block, no, actually, a permanent detour from where I wanted to land next. Irrational? Unhealthy? You betcha but I didn’t see it. Sadly, this lasted for the next five years.
Why didn’t I see it? Had I, I likely would have changed it up. Rather than study near 24/7, I would have sought more balance. True, I burned the midnight oil and grew my cognitive abilities (or so I think). And, as an added bonus, I got myself into two graduate programs. Alternatively, I failed to grow friendships and necessary/essential social skills and take advantage of a slew of extracurricular opportunities. I also developed anxious tendencies, such as ruminating, being overly self-controlling and behaving compulsively. Not a good idea, practice, or look.
Let’s return to the important question, why hadn’t I seen the error of my thinking and ways? Sadly and importantly, I’m not alone. Back in the day, as well as today, people, young and old, who feel as if they’re winning or succeeding, attribute their outcomes largely or even solely to the ways in which they live. With “success” can come blindness. When one’s notion of success isn’t well thought out, it may be easy to think that getting what one wants is an all or nothing proposition. People who adopt this mindset fear failure and strive for perfectionism since in their minds perfect outcomes are the only path to success.
For most of us, excelling requires hard work and dedication. The point many people fail to realize is that success, fulfillment, and even health is more likely to come from a balanced life and what one does following the inevitability of failure. When one embraces this philosophy, then the path to wherever one wants to go looks long, varied, and bumpy. Failure no longer is feared and daily life feels less high stakes. This mental set offers up a formula for a happier and more interesting and fulfilling life.
This makes so much sense, right?
In my next post, I’ll attempt to explain why our minds don’t naturally lead many of us and our children to this way of thinking. It’s complex -part neurobiological, part learned, and partly driven by our culture (I’d argue, especially today). Stay tuned. I’ll be back shortly. First though, I’ve got some playing to do.
Michael Mazius, Ph.D.
North Shore Center LLC
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